My dog has never once woken up and decided he wanted to start being a "better" dog. He's never started running meaningless laps to become faster. Never started lifting weights to be a stronger dog.
Yet, I go to the gym regularly and do all those things and more.
I wonder if the human drive to constantly improve ourselves (and create and innovate but that's another story!) isn't the very thing that makes us human.
So, as with so many things in our lives it's all about balancing different priorities and desires.
There’s nothing wrong with going to the gym and getting fitter and stronger. I do the same. Similarly I meditate to ‘train’ the mind. But self-improvement is about changing our ‘self’ - and what is that exactly? A mental idea basically. A dog doesn’t think about itself - so self-improvement is meaningless. Let’s be more dog!
Self-improvement has become completely competition and consumption based. But I don’t think the concept started as something to ‘fix’ people. I’m not sure where it’s coming from. Improvement does not require something broken or the idea that you’re not good enough. This is what the modern competitive culture has started. It’s not at the core of growth at all. That’s why the problem is not self-improvement as a concept. The twisted meaning is.
‘Fix’ and ‘improve’ both imply being deficient now. As I write in the piece, there’s nothing wrong with improving behaviour or understanding and releasing deficient patterns. That’s certainly a noble endeavour. But what is the ‘self’ anyone is trying to improve? That is the core flaw - that self is an illusion.
I like your understanding of thinking ‘we are never enough!’ It’s the reef the shipwrecks do many lives. The desire to grasp after love, belonging, value and with from objects, relationships. position, power or wealth is never satisfied.
I think we perhaps misunderstand self improvement. I agree with much that is here. I propose that it is simpler than we think if we are willing to consider allowing the fullness of our self expression to emerge, to sit and allow all of our emotions to flow and dissipate and to integrate the parts of our past that trouble us into the present.
Very good point. Continually creation of a need drives our modern world. It's the basis of consumer capitalism. Keeping people always wanting more, feeling imperfect and chasing an illusion of end game happiness
Being content with yourself in the present, doesn't make for good consumers.
Thinking a bit more about your post and using some REBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy) techniques that I have learnt recently
On an individual level , what is the driver behind your need for self-improvement ? Is it driven by feeling not good enough as you are comparing yourself to others, social media comparisons etc , your expectations of what you think others expect you to be ? Do you think you are a failure if you dont hit your improvement goals ? Then it's emanating from an unhealthy belief system, driving low self acceptance.
Whereas with a health belief system, you can say ' I do want to improve xyz, I'll apply myself and see what i can achieve and I'll accept whatever I achieve or don't achieve"
I consciously did this with swimming this year, just decided to learn it with no pressure or timeframe. I did think at times, "I'm never going to be good at this" but plugged away just enjoyed the journey. Now I'm actually a half decent swimmer. Looking back it was actually pleasurable getting there. Much better than if I had set goals and pressured myself.
Great point - this reads exactly like my chapter on REBT (the dangers of musterbation) in my book Champion Thinking. Funnily enough, swimming was the sport I used to illustrate the lessons from Albert Ellis and co, so I think it will resonate with you!
My dog has never once woken up and decided he wanted to start being a "better" dog. He's never started running meaningless laps to become faster. Never started lifting weights to be a stronger dog.
Yet, I go to the gym regularly and do all those things and more.
I wonder if the human drive to constantly improve ourselves (and create and innovate but that's another story!) isn't the very thing that makes us human.
So, as with so many things in our lives it's all about balancing different priorities and desires.
There’s nothing wrong with going to the gym and getting fitter and stronger. I do the same. Similarly I meditate to ‘train’ the mind. But self-improvement is about changing our ‘self’ - and what is that exactly? A mental idea basically. A dog doesn’t think about itself - so self-improvement is meaningless. Let’s be more dog!
Self-improvement has become completely competition and consumption based. But I don’t think the concept started as something to ‘fix’ people. I’m not sure where it’s coming from. Improvement does not require something broken or the idea that you’re not good enough. This is what the modern competitive culture has started. It’s not at the core of growth at all. That’s why the problem is not self-improvement as a concept. The twisted meaning is.
‘Fix’ and ‘improve’ both imply being deficient now. As I write in the piece, there’s nothing wrong with improving behaviour or understanding and releasing deficient patterns. That’s certainly a noble endeavour. But what is the ‘self’ anyone is trying to improve? That is the core flaw - that self is an illusion.
I like your understanding of thinking ‘we are never enough!’ It’s the reef the shipwrecks do many lives. The desire to grasp after love, belonging, value and with from objects, relationships. position, power or wealth is never satisfied.
Thank you Peter, and that's an apt comparison. The reef that shipwrecks many lives. Very poetic and profound!
I think we perhaps misunderstand self improvement. I agree with much that is here. I propose that it is simpler than we think if we are willing to consider allowing the fullness of our self expression to emerge, to sit and allow all of our emotions to flow and dissipate and to integrate the parts of our past that trouble us into the present.
I think that's a great point, and well put. Thanks Paul.
Loved your conversation with Joan! Nice one
Thank you Andrew - Joan was a delight! 🙏
Very good point. Continually creation of a need drives our modern world. It's the basis of consumer capitalism. Keeping people always wanting more, feeling imperfect and chasing an illusion of end game happiness
Being content with yourself in the present, doesn't make for good consumers.
Thanks Terence, that's so true. Growth and endless 'more' relies on dissatisfaction and unease!
Thinking a bit more about your post and using some REBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy) techniques that I have learnt recently
On an individual level , what is the driver behind your need for self-improvement ? Is it driven by feeling not good enough as you are comparing yourself to others, social media comparisons etc , your expectations of what you think others expect you to be ? Do you think you are a failure if you dont hit your improvement goals ? Then it's emanating from an unhealthy belief system, driving low self acceptance.
Whereas with a health belief system, you can say ' I do want to improve xyz, I'll apply myself and see what i can achieve and I'll accept whatever I achieve or don't achieve"
I consciously did this with swimming this year, just decided to learn it with no pressure or timeframe. I did think at times, "I'm never going to be good at this" but plugged away just enjoyed the journey. Now I'm actually a half decent swimmer. Looking back it was actually pleasurable getting there. Much better than if I had set goals and pressured myself.
Great point - this reads exactly like my chapter on REBT (the dangers of musterbation) in my book Champion Thinking. Funnily enough, swimming was the sport I used to illustrate the lessons from Albert Ellis and co, so I think it will resonate with you!
Not trying to take advantage of my insecure need for self improvement to sell me your book are you. Lol 😂😂😂
The paperback is out in January! 🙌🏻😍