The end of self-improvement
The quest to 'fix yourself' is a recipe for dissatisfaction
We live in a world obsessed with self-improvement, but what if the whole idea is a recipe for dissatisfaction?
I’m not suggesting that we can’t look after our health, be more kind and focused etc, but self-improvement STARTS with the premise that you’re not enough as you are, and so you need to 'fix yourself'.
Therefore, self-improvement has dissatisfaction at its very core: if you need to be better in future, that means NOW you must be deficient and somehow lacking.
Imagine for a second you tried to introduce a baby or toddler to the idea of self-improvement. It would be meaningless: they just are who they are - without agenda or apology. It’s like asking a toddler to ‘be present’. It would be absurd - as presence is their nature.
And guess what, the same is true of all of us: but as we age we get lost in mental stories about being deficient, about regrets about the past and worries about the future – which is how the whole charade starts.
As for 'being present' - shut your eyes for one moment. Can you stop being aware of the sounds, sensation and thoughts that arise? Of course not, it is impossible. See: you are Aware Presence.
When you really start to see this, firstly by getting some space from your thoughts and realising they are a) not facts and b) not you – you can regain the wholeness of your infancy, by clearly seeing that it never actually went anywhere.
Then you can let go of the whole flawed idea of self-improvement, which comes as a bloody relief. The result? Less stress, more awe, more ease and flow, and even, ironically, growth – but without the shame and strain.
I explored this in a conversation with the wonderful
, author of five books, who currently writes wonderful articles on Substack and meets with people on Zoom, and who has a background in Buddhism, Advaita, nonduality, meditation and self-inquiry.As well as debunking self-improvement (what even is the ‘self’ people seek to improve?), we do a deep dive into various forms of meditation to back this all up. Have a listen, it was a joy to speak to Joan. This conversation is like having a restorative hot bath in a world that wrongly beseeches us to be “more” - 🛀 👉 https://pod.fo/e/28e023
What’s your take? Is the cultural self-improvement obsession helpful, or does it do more harm than good? You know where I stand, I’d love to hear your take 👇
My dog has never once woken up and decided he wanted to start being a "better" dog. He's never started running meaningless laps to become faster. Never started lifting weights to be a stronger dog.
Yet, I go to the gym regularly and do all those things and more.
I wonder if the human drive to constantly improve ourselves (and create and innovate but that's another story!) isn't the very thing that makes us human.
So, as with so many things in our lives it's all about balancing different priorities and desires.
Self-improvement has become completely competition and consumption based. But I don’t think the concept started as something to ‘fix’ people. I’m not sure where it’s coming from. Improvement does not require something broken or the idea that you’re not good enough. This is what the modern competitive culture has started. It’s not at the core of growth at all. That’s why the problem is not self-improvement as a concept. The twisted meaning is.