Unhealthy Positivity
Inauthenticity is perceived as a threat
I recently watched a video posted by today’s podcast guest in which Anthony Joshua was speaking about the importance of remaining positive after his latest defeat in the ring.
Now I like AJ, I always enjoyed interviewing him in my Radio 1 days, but on this occasion his words rang hollow. Why put such importance on projecting positivity when that’s not how you are actually feeling?
Contrast that with one of the most memorable moments I experienced when commentating at Wimbledon, back in 2012 after Andy Murray had been beaten in the final by Roger Federer.
Murray wasn’t actually hugely popular with all the home fans at this point in his career, but in his post match on-court interview with Sue Barker, he came out and properly opened his heart.
He cried, and so many of us watching cried with him - myself included. He was truly vulnerable, and in being authentically so connected with the fans watching courtside and on TV at home in a deep and profound way.
It is no surprise to me that he won Olympic Gold a few weeks later, after opening his heart, as well as his first Grand Slam at the US Open later that summer and his first Wimbledon title 12 months on.
When we close ourselves off from the full spectrum of our feelings in the misguided belief that ‘positive’ is best and certain emotions need to be controlled, suppressed or avoided, we pay a not insignificant cost. We limit our ability to connect with ourselves and others. For instance, I read an amazing line last week while preparing for an upcoming podcast.
‘Inauthenticity is perceived as a threat’
So what are some of the main ways people tend to be unwittingly inauthentic? When they identify with a role - like a job or being a parent or ‘adult’ - and act through that lens. Or when they adopt a certain culturally accepted but limited ‘way of being’.
The most obviously authentic person I currently know is my 17 month old daughter. When she’s happy she smiles. When she’s sad she cries. When she wants something she asks for it. When she’s had enough she’ll chuck the rest on the floor.
She doesn’t waste time regretting how many nappies she filled yesterday, or worrying whether nursery will be fun tomorrow. She’s utterly present and without any psychological identity - and as a result even the most curmudgeonly people we meet when out and about are immediately drawn to her.
We can all learn from toddlers. You can’t be happy if you close off sadness. There is no up without down. Good without bad. And identity is massively overrated.
Today’s podcast episode is all about forced positivity and the power of true authentic vulnerability. Getting back in touch with your essence rather than cutting yourself off to fit into an idea of what you deem to be culturally acceptable. Give it a listen and a share - if that’s what you feel like doing!
Great post🙌🏼 You asked “So what are some of the main ways people tend to be unwittingly inauthentic?” And my answer is basically the same as yours: when they identify with their ego.
Or, to put it in your words, “When they identify with a role - like a job or being a parent or ‘adult’ - and act through that lens”. Because the ego is nothing but a role we play, it‘s not our authentically self. And as soon as we start acting through the lens of the ego, we become nothing but inauthentic. That‘s why your daughter is the most authentic person you know - because she hasn‘t identified with the ego yet. She is complete awareness.
Children's innocence is lovely to behold. Utterly endearing.
On reading your piece, some lines from Yeats came to mind--interestingly, the same lines I thought of two weeks ago when I saw that you had interviewed Rupert Spira and Francis Lucille:
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity
Naturally, an adult cannot maintain the innocence of a child. Even if it were possible, it would be unworkable and unwise. But the best who "lack all conviction" still manifest a lovely native innocence in adult form.
Nisargadatta put it this way:
Stay without ambition, without the least desire, exposed, vulnerable, unprotected, uncertain and alone, completely open to and welcoming life as it happens, without the selfish conviction that all must yield you pleasure or profit, material or so- called spiritual.