I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago - here's what I've learned
Odd socks, asking for help and the power of stillness
An email dropped into my inbox last year from a listener asking whether I had considered getting an ADHD test.
I hadn’t. I didn’t know much about it, and I didn’t think it was a big deal, and in many ways I still don’t. But, being diagnosed with ADHD has given me some really valuable information about the way my mind works.
ADHD is all about three core symptoms: impulsivity, inattentiveness and hyperactivity.
My ‘excessive’ impulsivity has always been obvious. At school I was one of the gobbiest kids in my year, frequently labelled a ‘smart-arse’ in end of term report cards, and I was kicked out of a GCSE mock exam for talking. I was genuinely scared that I wouldn’t be able to control my mouth when the actual exams rolled around.
My mouth had (and still has albeit to a lesser extent) a mind of its own. The downside? I blurt out the wrong thing on occasion (as my wife can testify). The upside? The speed with which my mouth can respond to things sometimes amazes me, which can be a big help in my chosen career of talking for a living.
Inattentiveness was an interesting one. If I’m not interested in something, I find it hard to stay focussed. I remember being on a BBC training course once, totally zoned out, before refocussing just in time to catch the course instructor saying, “…and as long as you don’t forget that you’ll be alright.”
On the flip side, when I’m interested, I’m REALLY interested. Take tennis, and in particular Wimbledon, which I was obsessed with growing up. I can name the winner, runner-up and (more often than not) the score from any Wimbledon singles final in the Open era (since 1968), which is why working for BBC TV at SW19 keeps my inner child very happy.
I never thought of myself as hyperactive, as I wasn’t the ‘bouncing off the walls’ type, but then it was explained to me that it could be a ‘hyperactive mind’ too, which certainly made sense. A decade of anxiety-induce insomnia in my 20s fuelled by a hyperactive mind was clear evidence on that front.
And so, it won’t surprise you to hear that after being tested both objectively and subjectively, the answer was a resounding yes, I do have ADHD. And not only that, I’m now also Patron of the ADHD Foundation, and host of the Rethinking ADHD podcast, the second series of which is dropping in a couple of weeks.
This is just my personal opinion, which can irritate some people, but I don’t see ADHD as a ‘disorder’. I think of it as a trait, and am of the view that we are all somewhere along a very broad spectrum. ADHD can be a strength, and it can be a weakness, depending on the context.
Primarily I am of the view that knowing I have ADHD is useful information, and explains why I like talking philosophically about the nature of reality, but am less adept at following instructions and subsequently erecting, for example, a new barbecue (damn thing lay in my garden in bits for a year).
Here are a few tweaks I have made since receiving my diagnosis that have made my life run a little smoother.
The Power Of Restricting Choice
I never used to wear matching socks. I didn’t think it massively bothered me, but once I understood that my patience for folding socks into pairs after doing a wash wasn’t a moral failing but was a manifestation of a broader trait, I got creative.
I threw every pair of socks I had out and bought a load of plain black ones. I literally only have black socks now, which means that every day I am matching without even trying! I didn’t realise that wearing odd socks had a cognitive tax, but turns out it did, and since making a simple tweak I’ve received a subtle but undoubted lift.
I have reduced choice and cognitive load in other areas too, and continually look for new ways to do so. I have a load of black t-shirts and blue jeans so I now know exactly what I am wearing on a work day, no choice required. And I use the Freeletics exercise app, so I don’t have to decide what workout I am going to do - I just press play and get started.
Getting Help in the Areas I’m Not Great At
My Dad was an engineer. A very practical man, who loves lists, filing cabinets and arranging his tools in alphabetical order (he would argue that’s an exaggeration). He can mend pretty much anything, and loves getting his hands dirty by, for example, putting up a fence.
In other words, the apple fell a long way from the tree in our case.
For a long time, I felt like I was ‘lacking’ because I wasn’t similarly adept on a practical basis. However, I now realise that’s because my Dad and I are wired differently. Interviewing someone about the nature of reality would be my Dad’s worst nightmare, whereas it’s my happy place.
Rather than stressing about those areas I’m not so good at, I ask (or pay) for help where possible, and focus on maximising my strengths. After all, that’s where my big breakthroughs are going to happen.
The Importance of Stillness
Fortunately, I have long seen the value of meditation. I did an 8 week intensive course nearly ten years ago, and have been pretty good at keeping it up since. I also like meditation for the spiritual side - observing how the mind works, recognising that we are not our thoughts but are aware of them and so on.
But since being diagnosed, I have thrown myself back in to my meditation practice with vim and vigour. I like to meditate for 45 minutes a day, and rarely do less than 20. Just following my breath down in my belly (the hara) and bringing attention back, over and over. (I also do self inquiry, albeit for different reasons: to see through the illusory nature of the 'self - upgrade to paid for more on that).
Meditation consistently done has a massive impact, particularly for an ADHD brain. Plus in this hyper connected smartphone age, when we never have to be bored and the urge to scroll is never more than an arms length away, having a way back into stillness is crucial. ADHD and burnout are close bedfellows, so settling back into simply Being is absolutely vital, and meditation is a wonderful tool. For anyone who struggles, I suggest using something like Headspace.
Also, putting boundaries around my digital devices is so important. I have a mobile phone locking case, an app that blocks apps, social media and the internet, and I ensure I use the focus function and app limits on my phone.
Talking over Typing
I am not a big fan of e-mail or digital communication. I struggle to get the tone right, can’t always correctly gauge what someone is actually saying, and dislike the lack of human connection. I am a bit old school in that I would much rather hop on a call.
For example, I get a lot of emails from podcast listeners, and frequently rather than type out a reply I suggest we have a quick chat, often to people’s surprise. I have forged some great friendships that way, and some really unexpected but exciting opportunities and collaborations have arisen too.
The one problem I have, as my wife frequently points out, is that I end up staying on the phone for too long. That’s something I am working on. But give me conversation over words on a screen any day.
So in summary, first and foremost, being diagnosed with ADHD has been really interesting. I have more valuable information about the way my mind works, which is helpful in navigating day to day life. It has also shone a light on my strengths, and made me focus on maximising them, and not worrying about those other areas where I’m not so strong.
Do I wish I had been diagnosed earlier? No, actually. It may have made my life a bit easier, but I would have been robbed of some of the suffering that ended up propelling me towards the path I am currently on. I wouldn’t change that suffering for anything, as it has given me bigger gifts than I ever could have anticipated.
Maybe I’m just lucky, but I don’t see ADHD as a problem, and nor does it define me. It is something I experience - just like the body, mind and world - not what does the experiencing.
Speaking of which, just to say, I’m releasing a video for paid subscribers tomorrow about embracing all aspects of life, not just the bits we like. How do we do that? By going beyond the mind - neurodiverse or not. Hope to see you there!