How befriending shame changed everything - part 3

Why the antidote is in the poison

Part of being human seems to be having core wounds. Mine is shame.

Shame feels like, “I am bad.” My wife’s core pattern, guilt, shows up as, “I have done something bad.” Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar - whether it’s shame, guilt, or another lingering wound.

For me, shame stems partly from continually being in trouble as a child. I was often told off at school for my motor mouth and innocently disruptive behaviour. Though I didn’t mean harm, I couldn’t help myself (and honestly, being the class clown had some amusing perks).

At home, I often felt like the black sheep. My sister thrived academically and in extracurriculars, while I was more like Bart Simpson. Repeatedly hearing I was a “pain” left a mark.

As shame became more prominent in my life, I tried to avoid or deny it. I even turned to ayahuasca, hoping it would rid me of shame entirely (more on that in another post).

Yet, every effort to deny shame just reinforced it, as I was rejecting a part of myself.